B+

Today we're doing something a little bit different because yesterday I did something that is incredibly hard for me to do due to confidence and anxiety issues and because of what I encountered while I was doing it.

As you'll all know from my last post, I wore my newly made Wonder Woman costume around Chelmsford Town Centre yesterday to promote Free Comic Book Day at Dark Side Comics and my own Facebook page's giveaway so I could help out a friend and try and gain enough followers to set up my Etsy properly. I had business cards printed up for it and everything and I was so excited!

I have serious confidence issues and insecurities though and I've only recently learned how to cope with my anxieties, so wearing a skimpy cosplay in public was terrifying to me. As much as I thought it looked great and my friends agreed, I knew from past experience, from growing up being told by my peers that I was fat and disgusting, that there would be a lot of negative comments.

I went anyway.

Some comments made were nice, some people liked seeing their classic heroine out in town, some wanted selfies and were interested in Beckit's Boutique as well as Dark Side.

But they were few and far between. And though most comments and sniggers were quiet, I heard them. I've spent my entire life overhearing them because my ears are now acutely attuned to pick up certain words, phrases and sounds. Some weren't even quiet. And for the uptight, bigoted lady that felt the need to yell "Excuse me, there are small children around!" at me, I have a special question for you; For a start, there are no small children with you, so how does this affect you? Secondly, I was wearing a lot more than a bikini, what do you do with your non-existant children when you go to the beach, bury their heads in the sand?

The rest of you, I'm used to it, so I can take a few emotional blows as long as I have someone with me, which thankfully I did, but well done for crushing my spirit a little bit and sending me fleeing back to the shop feeling awful and ridiculous. You're so hard.

I write all this because it's important that people are aware that not everyone will defend you, or comfort you when horrible things are said about something you've put a lot of time and effort into. And I'm not just talking about my cosplay. I run at least 5k at least three times a week to keep fit. I'm currently in the process of losing weight and trying to make myself more confident. This is a long, tiring process that takes a lot of hard work and dedication. I have run four virtual races of varying lengths for charity so far this year and just signed up for four more virtuals and a live race in the next few months, one of which is a half marathon, which I intend to run the entirety of.

I have worked tirelessly to improve myself and feel better in the skin I'm in and you all shot me down! Well done. Very impressive. Your parents must all be so proud.

But this post is B+.

Be. Positive.

And it's about to really B+!

I didn't know this girl. At all. Never met her in my life. I don't even recall passing her yesterday as there were so many people. But she is my Wonder Woman.

As soon as I'd got back to the shop, I'd rushed into the bathroom to change and was nearly in tears because I felt so awful about some of the things said about me.

Meanwhile, this beautiful human being took to Facebook (guessing my dress size perfectly I might add) in the hopes this message would get to me. Another friend of Dark Side's owner saw it and automatically connected the two events. I saw it the moment I got out of the bathroom and immediately welled up again.

A perfect stranger had come to my rescue when I needed it and as soon as this post started getting shared, comments came flooding in.

(Gotta love my mum for not taking the route of "well you can't go around dressed like that" as most parents would.)

As did the private messages from both friends and family who understood how difficult something like that had been for me to do and that I'd done it because I will do anything to help a friend and because I like to make other people happy. I would be happy if I saw my favourite super hero in town!

(This isn't all of them by the way, there were far too many to keep screenshotting and censoring, I'd have been here all night.)

And suddenly everything was brighter, everything was better, because although some people put me down, there were so many more right there to pick me back up.

So I've gone from cowering by a toilet, hating myself and vowing to never wear a skimpy cosplay again, to being unimaginably excited to wear it at comic con in a few weeks. There will be like-minded people there who would love to meet Wonder Woman and I can't wait to meet them!

So whenever something seems awful. Please, be positive because there may just be a perfect stranger out there who thinks you're amazing! I know I do!

Until next time!